I have been struggling with the notion of my mother growing older and becoming “elderly.” My mom is a gracious and polite lady. My friends always say, “your mom is so polite.” Yes, that’s my mom, etiquette and manners are very important.
I think about this gracious and polite lady and wonder what the rest of her life will be like? I want to protect her from any harm and stress associated with aging. I know it’s hard for her to see people around her age getting sick or mentally/physically declining. Fortunately, she is in excellent health and is an avid reader who loves to watch football and college basketball, among other things.
A few months ago we were scouting out a new living situation for her. She was selling her condo and was looking for residence within a senior apartment community. When we were touring various buildings, it was hard not to miss the handicap apparatuses in the bathtubs and emergency pull chords in some of the buildings. While that did give me great relief to have features like that, it made my heart ache thinking of her growing older.
Also during this time, Mom had developed an interest in living somewhere that offers meal plans. I was shocked when I heard that. I think of people who are “really elderly” who utilize services like that. I didn’t realize that was something she was wanting already. I think I have this naive notion that mom is always going to be around and the reality has set in that she isn’t.
I worry about her destiny, whether it is a nursing home or serious illness. I don’t want to see this gracious and polite woman in a nursing home where it can smell like urine and the patients are dressed in outfits that don’t match. (Disclaimer – I am relating to when my grandparents were in a nursing home and what I observed. My hope is that we have come a long way in caring for our elderly over the last 20 years?) The rational side of me knows that life is a journey and whatever mom’s path is, is out of my control.
The last few years she has shared stories of frustration with the aging process and how she gets things “turned around” sometimes. I can tell she is trying to fight it, while acknowledging that she isn’t as “up to snuff,” as she used to be. I always get emotional thinking about mom and even writing this blog is tough. I need to talk with her about “how she’s doing,” and be an outlet for her to share her fears and worries. I vow to do this soon, as I obviously could benefit from the discussion as well. In the meantime, I am going to cherish every conversation I have with her (good or bad), make a point to spend more time with her and celebrate the time we have together.
~ Peggy Paul, Founder & Visionary
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